she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
