Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
