That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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