Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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