The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
