it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
