Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
