You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
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