Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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