Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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