I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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