i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
