and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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