his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
