If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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