It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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