you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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