Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You left your phone here
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