i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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