if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
