where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
North Korea, Best Korea!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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