sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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