You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
