Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
