Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
