yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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