Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
