I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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