I accidentally had phone sex last night
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
