I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
