No, you can still breathe under the balls.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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