So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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