I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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