The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
