she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
