What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
