You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
