You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
