hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
