Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
