drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
