Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
