OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
