I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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