i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
