Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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