I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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