to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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