Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
