my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
