And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
