I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
